Shared Custody Arrangements
by: Guest
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Shared Custody is a difficult balance to achieve, but if you want to avoid interference from the courts and make your custody agreement work for the best interests of your son or daughter, plenty of consideration will be necessary to determine how to make the transition between the two homes as smooth as possible.
An example of a good procedure in a joint conservatorship is to set up a jointly agreed upon system of house rules in both family homes. Often parents are tempted to instantly change rules that were a source of frustration during the marriage or that remind them of their ex. Such inbalances though can be disruptive for the child, and even push them to alter their behaviour between homes.
As a result, children can become very accomplished at pleasing or even manipulating situations between the homes for their own advantage in situations where parents are still emotionally at risk. This is not because children are fundamentally naughty but is simply a survival strategy. A child must have consistency of rules and schedules between homes, for both peace-of-mind and for their healthy emotional and physical development.
Preparing this consistency may require routine phone calls and meetings between parents to establish the needs of the child and the working out of a timetable together, so that there are explicit expectations and little room for emotional game playing. Make sure,
as far as is possible, that both homes are in agreement on rules
regarding bedtimes, tv viewing, internet use and going out with friends.
As your child grows, these rules will, of course, need to be reviewed together and alterations implemented co-operatively.
In truth, parents who agree to a joint custody arrangement because they are truly looking to the best interests of the child need to put in the time necessary to make it work. They also need to be happy to change the arrangement should the needs of the child change.
When a child chooses that he or she would now like to spend further time in the home of one particular parent, there is often an impossible guilt that they feel over choosing one parent above the other. Parents need to be proactive in freeing their child from this guilt by making it clear that the arrangements have been created to serve their best interests and not your own, and that you are therefore always open to vary them.
Study in this area still suggests that most children are more settled in one household. Parents often see joint custody as an agreement that satisfies their 'rights', but the problem is that the child's needs will be forgotten in the process. Shared Custody is workable, and it can work splendidly, but, as in any custody deal, a willingness to be amenable and to put the child first are the central keys to success.
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For more information on Managing the transition between homes in shared custody:
http://www.texaschild-custody.com/texas-family-law-and-shared-custody.php
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